Landmark Forum Leader David Cunningham – Dealing with Different Views

In the latest installment of In and Out of your Mind with Tina Brigley, Landmark Forum Leader David Cunningham talks about changing your outlook on your views. Watch the full video or read the transcript below.

Host Tina Brigley: Hi, welcome to In and Out of Your Mind on WE-TV. I’m your host Host Tina Brigley. In and Out of Your Mind is a Web series designed to help you get of your head and into your life. Joining us today is communication expert David Cunningham. David is a forum leader at Landmark Worldwide, which is an international training and development company that helps people to create breakthrough results in their life. Welcome David.

David Cunningham: Thanks, Tina, thank you.

Host Tina Brigley: So today we want to talk about this rise in incivility that’s happening in our society. People are just really rude to each other. We’re losing that humanity. Help us. What can we do to create something different?

David Cunningham: And you see it everywhere. I just on the plane here, I saw it on the plane, people arguing with other about where they were going to put their luggage and who had the right to the overhead. It’s happening everywhere. And here’s what I think really is important about it. Everybody has a view of life. And the important thing to get is that each of us have our own views. We see things in a different way. And maybe none of our views are the right view, so if when we’re starting to have an argument with somebody or it’s starting to get heated between us and another person, if we can listen and appreciate hey, they have one view of life. I have another. They don’t have to match. Neither one is right. And I can begin to appreciate their view and my view, both as possible views of life.

Host Tina Brigley: Yeah, and that’s so incredibly important, because we have this tendency, I think, to just want to be right, to make somebody else wrong. We want to win the fight.

David Cunningham: We do, don’t we? And maybe it’s time that we really have been related or being connected with other people be more important than being right.

Host Tina Brigley: Appreciating another person’s viewpoint.

David Cunningham: As a view. None of them are right.

Host Tina Brigley: And I think the other important thing about that when we’re appreciating somebody else’s view is knowing that it doesn’t necessarily have to be something that you agree with, it’s just something that you can listen to.

David Cunningham: You can listen to, and you can appreciate it that oh, that’s their view. And if I appreciate it, and I ask them, okay I got that’s your view. And I can even say something, I have a slightly different view of life. Mine’s not right, but I’d like you to hear it. Okay, they can hear it also as your view, and you’re not insisting that you’re right about it.

Host Tina Brigley: Awesome, so let’s face the facts.

David Cunningham: Okay.

Host Tina Brigley: Sometimes that’s not easy to do. And I think a lot of times we have this internal dialog going on when we’re communicating with people. And I know you’ve talked about flipping the switch. How do we flip the switch when we know that somebody is wrong and we want to communicate with them but it’s really challenging for us? How do we do that?

David Cunningham: Yeah, well while somebody’s talking to us, we’re always talking to ourselves at the same time. And that internal dialogue we have with ourselves says things like I agree with that. I don’t agree with that. That was right. That was wrong. They should have done that. They shouldn’t have done that. And we’re constantly saying things to ourselves like that when people are talking to us or when we’re watching other people do something. We’re constantly talking to ourselves about what they’re doing. If we can just notice that and begin to see hey, wait a minute. That’s not happening out here. That’s I’m talking to myself about what they’re saying. I’m talking to myself about what they’re doing. But that’s not what they’re saying and that’s not what they’re doing. That’s what I’m saying about it. Then we can flip the switch and instead of listening to us, start to listen to them and pay attention to what’s really happening out here.

Host Tina Brigley: And that is an incredible tool to be able to flip that switch.

David Cunningham: Because mostly what we get upset about is not what people say and what people do. Mostly what we get upset about is what we say to ourselves about what they say and do. For instance, somebody says something and we say to ourselves, that was rude. Now we’re upset. But we’re not upset because of what they said, we’re upset because we decided what they said was rude, so we’re actually reacting to our story about what they said versus what they actually said. And if you can flip the switch and just hear hey, what they said, oh they said I want this done this way. I made up that’s rude. Okay. Well, if it’s just they said they want something done a certain way, I can listen to that and not be upset about it.

Host Tina Brigley: That’s right. And I know again, we go back to our families. How many times does this happen when we’re talking to each other, and we’re trying to make each other wrong and trying to win the fight in our relationships? So it’s really important to be able to just step back, not have to be right and just be able to be in somebody else’s world.

David Cunningham: Yeah, exactly. And that’s where it really is important for us to decide hey, being related or being connected or love in our homes is more important than being right. And then remember maybe none of us are right. Maybe we each just have views.

Host Tina Brigley: Yeah, world views. When you think about applying what you just said to life, just that concept could really change wars and major conflicts, social media. You see it all the time.

David Cunningham: Yeah, I think we can really start talking about some new things. So rather than talking about who’s right or who’s wrong, maybe we could start talking about hey, what works or what’s possible or what inspires us, so there’s new conversations you and I could have. And if we start new conversations, we’ll have new views of life, so I would recommend giving up talking about who’s right and wrong. Let’s talk about what works. Let’s talk about what’s possible. Let’s talk about what’s going to give people life.

Host Tina Brigley: Yeah, new view, new life.

David Cunningham: There you go.

Host Tina Brigley: Right? Just as easy as that.

David Cunningham: Yeah, thanks.

Host Tina Brigley: So I want to thank you for being here with us today, because I think this is so important for us to be able to just really be with somebody else and not feel like we have to be wrong or right or make somebody else wrong. We can just really listen. So I want to thank you for watching as well and remember awareness is only good with action, so take action in your life. Be able to use these tools in the real world. Let me know how it is and join us next week for another series where I will help you to get out of your head and into your life. So join us next week on WE-TV. Thank you for watching.

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Kris says:

Very valuable to be in the conversation again .. I always get adjusted, and it feels good. One thing, though .. some ‘views’ are wrong. There is such a thing. Hatred, misogyny, cruelty, overt racism .. what do we do when we encounter them? Simply ‘hear’ the person and decide to give them a pass?

Most humans are good at creating “stories” about what happen in ones life, such as hatered. When we look closely distinguish what happened from ones “stories” about what happened, the truth becomes hijacked and creates drama of hatered or overt racism based on “stories” about what happened. It can enslave one for one month or a lifetime.

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